If I had a dollar for every time I have heard a pastor use the example of a family fighting on the way to church only to walk in the doors and act as if everything was sun shining, birds chirping, angels singing perfect, I would have a whole bunch of money!  It’s always the perfect example.  Most of you speakers out there are taking your shoes and socks off right now because your fingers weren’t enough to count the times you have.  It’s ok.  We still love you.  Now I’m gonna use it.

Recently I was watching a bonus feature on a DVD of one of my favorite shows.  It was a reading of the script for an episode with all the cast, crew and writers in one small room.  The clip was about 45 minutes long.  No fanciness.  No quality transitions.  No music.  No sound effects.  Just a bunch of people all reading the same stack of papers and speaking like their characters.  It wasn’t the most exciting thing in the world and I even realized toward the beginning that I had seen the episode so it wasn’t even keeping my interest because it was new.  But despite all the scaled back-ness I was drawn in.  As a matter of fact the longer I watched the more I liked it.  I started liking the writers, the characters, the narrators, and everyone there.  If possible, this behind the scenes view was causing me to like the show even more.

Now back to the fun and totally not overused example of the arguing family going to church.  What if there was a camera around filming your behind the scenes?  If the average person that you are selling your appearance, attitude, lifestyle, beliefs, etc. saw the behind the scenes bonus feature of your life would they still buy?  What about your job?  Would people still want to use your company if they saw what it was like when the customer isn’t around?  What about your perfect-at-church family?  Your marriage?  What about your church?

Most of us have learned the ability to hide the behind the scenes.  We have deleted it as an option from the DVD of our lives.  But what we don’t realize is that many times the behind the scenes view is actually there.  Maybe not in a feature but it’s there.  We show little signs of what it is like behind the scenes without intending to or even knowing it.  Fortunately as the words to a Shaun Groves song called Welcome Home so accurately describe, our loving God wants to be a part of all of our lives and not just the face of it all.  He is there to help repair, clean and provide that TLC that many of our behind the scenes features need.

How’s your behind the scenes?  Does it draw people in or make them run for cover?

Recently we had a breakfast for married couples at Kingsfield.  As a worship leader it was a pretty standard day for me.  Set up, hang with the wife, eat some food, lead a few worship songs, listen to the speaker, hang out and tear down.  But as we were singing one of the songs I realized something.  Normally I want to do everything I can to minimize distractions and help people block out everything and everyone around them.  But this time I was seeing something else.

As I looked across the room of 25 or so couples, I saw what an amazing privilege it is to get to worship through music with your spouse!  Personally I don’t get to do this much since I’m usually in the band or involved in some way that doesn’t allow me to be with her all the time.  I love getting to worship with her when I do get the chance.  There is something about the music that makes it easy for us to just forget everything around us and focus, but sometimes it is awesome to focus with your other half.  You can be free together.  You can sing together.  You can raise your hands or kneel or sit or pray.  But however you worship God you get to do that with the love of your life!

Take advantage of these opportunities!  When you have the chance, make it happen!  Change your volunteer schedule so you can go to church together.  Forget that you have sat in that same seat for the past forever and sit together.  Stop worrying about what others think and love God together.  Make the kids sit on the other side of you.  Whatever it is you need to do, reorganize to do it!  Make a change and spend time worshipping your Savior with one of the biggest blessings you can ever have: your spouse!

What a privilege to worship with your spouse. Take advantage of it. Make it happen. Reorganize to do it.

Recently during an evening of miscellaneous-ness we had the TV on.  We weren’t really watching as we were doing other things, but for some reason at one point my attention was drawn to it and I heard something that got me thinking.  It was at the end of a wedding reception and the bride and groom are leaving when someone yells to him, “go have fun becoming a man!”  Then off they go to whatever it is that married couples do on that night.

I would wager that sex, even sex with your wife, does not make you a man.  There is much more to manhood than sex!  For the sake of the early years of your marriage (or your marriage as a whole) becoming a man MUST happen long before the sex.  It must happen long before the ring or the cake or the tux or the bill.  As our world would teach us otherwise, these things aren’t what makes you a man.  Manhood is not determined by the number of names on your Been There Done That list.  It is not determined by the level of experience you have in the bedroom.  It’s not about learning to say the right things or being smooth or buying her a drink or even having the best pick up lines.  It’s not about the sports cars, the cigars, the muscles or the ability to make her weak in the knees.  It’s not about the conquests or the make-outs or even tying a cherry stem in a knot with your tongue.

So what does it take then?  What makes a man a real man?  As I said before, manhood is something that happens before all the above.  Manhood involves maturity, spirituality, identity and love.

• He learns to love his wife long before he knows her.  He learns to love and respect his family.
• He knows that his identity is not found in himself, friends, sexual partners, or his wife.  His identity is in Christ where he has strength and hope and love as a son of God.
• He keeps Christ the center of his relationships.  As he grows, learns, dates, loves, he keeps his life focused in the right place and not self-centered desires.
• He has the maturity to lead others.  He doesn’t have to lead thousands upon thousands but he does have to lead a family.

The perfect man does all these things.  Do we all get them right?  No.  We are human.  We are flawed.  It’s not being this perfect man, but rather striving for what is right.  A real man knows he falls short but gives it everything he has anyway.  A real man knows he can’t be perfect.  He knows he can’t be what his family needs.  But he knows that Christ is who gives him the strength and ability to rise to the occasion.  He strives to follow Christ’s example in loving his family and leading them as truly good husbands and daddies do.  As men do.

A real man learns that he is inadequate and He is more than enough long before he hands in his V card.

With the invention of children into a family comes the neglect of the spouse.  I think one of our founding fathers said that…or not.  But if we are not careful it is absolutely true.  Then when 30 years passes and the kids are all gone you are left in an empty, quiet home with someone you don’t even know!  Can you look at your spouse right now and say that’s not a big deal?  Nope.  Well at least I hope not.

When Kara-Kae and I got married (and those of you who can remember the beginnings of your marriage) we didn’t struggle at all to spend time with each other.  It’s not hard.  It’s what you do!  Even throughout the pregnancy it wasn’t difficult.  Actually during the pregnancy we tried to hang out with each other even more knowing that the next stage in life would be taxing on our relationship.  Then into our world comes our precious little daughter.  Maybe it’s not hard for you if your kids are not cool, but ours is.  All of a sudden there is someone else in our lives that we are giving all our attention to and whose life ours now revolve around.  Even with the best intentions it is extremely easy to start to let the spouse drift away while you both are focused on something else so important.

But if we don’t do something about it we are going to end up in a relationship that isn’t where we want it to be.  Fighting.  Arguing.  Going to bed mad.  Not spending time together.  Basically an obligatory relationship instead of a loving one.  So through our talking and being honest with each other we realized that we needed to do something about it.  I didn’t even realize until we talked that it was something we weren’t doing!  So Friday nights (days and times many vary) are our weekly non-negotiable date nights.  It’s my day off so I won’t have a day that I don’t see the kid(s).  Last night was our first one.  It was great.  It’s still a little difficult to figure it all out, but just making the added extra effort to spend time together is a good start!

Maybe you need to grab the spouse and have a talk.  Make sure you aren’t missing out on something that you need to be feeding!

Do you have a weekly non-negotiable date night?

It’s an all new Monday!  Because it’s an all new Monday, it’s time for a new Video Of The Week!  But it’s also the second half of our fake anniversary (got married on Leap Day and have 2 more years before that one rolls around again).  Therefore it’s a very special Monday, which calls for an especially rocking Video Of The Week.

Baby, I love you so much!  Thanks for marrying me two years ago!  This one’s for you!

We are getting ever closer to the birth of my baby girl, but it doesn’t look like it will impede today’s music for Kingsfield Church!  Should be a great day with a gold medal USA vs. Canada hockey game, a Sunday afternoon nap ritual and an anniversary dinner with my beautiful wife who has inexplicably decided to keep me around for year 3!  So here’s what we are singing as we focus on keeping Christ the goal and therefore decreasing ourselves and letting Him increase!

Glory To God Forever – Fee – Hope Rising
Revelation Song – Kim Walker-Smith – Consumed
Center – Charlie Hall – Flying Into Daybreak
All Because Of Jesus – Fee – We Shine

An Ode To Being A Man
by brookjames

it’s true that i love being a man
i get to stand when i use the can
it’s impossible for me to ever get pregnant
or come up with a word that rhymes with pregnant

heaven forbid i start to smell
or get a wound that begins to swell
good luck trying to get me to shave
or as an adult expecting me to behave

for every meal i like to eat meat
and i only wear shoes that comfort my feet
so what if i love blood, guns and fights
or heroes, explosions, or grail searching knights

but now that i have a family to lead
for them i would fight; i’d surely bleed
to protect and provide for my girl and my wife
and love them like the One who gave me His life.

Our wedding anniversary is February 29th.  That date doesn’t seem to come around that often.  So we generally celebrate it on February 28th/March 1st.  This year we decided that there is a good possibility that we might not be able to do that, what with the baby coming sometime around there.  She isn’t due until March 12th, but who really wants to run off and do something fun at 38+ weeks preggo?  I wouldn’t (but thankfully I’m a dude and we can’t get preggo).  We also wanted to go on some sort of “babymoon” for the last time (for the next forever years) as just me and my wife before our little baby girl comes in and tosses our lives into complete chaos.

So, Priceline it is.  We have headed down toward San Diego (didn’t quite make it all the way there since we are actually in Carlsbad) to explore and have a little no stroller, diapers, bottles type of fun.  We came down yesterday (and assuming you are actually reading this, we haven’t had any crazy “James family adventures” that we are growing accustomed to on our vacations) to spend Friday and Saturday and just play.  I think we might head to the beach, sit by the pool, sleep and I think I heard something about a outlet mall or something (good lord).

Good times.  You stay classy, San Diego (and Carlsbad)!

Ok so I didn’t win an actual money jackpot.  But I might as well have.  I’m just sitting here thinking about all the things that I am blessed with.  Seriously though.  If you sit back and think about all the things you have, how blessed are you?  I have a beautiful wife with a healthy baby on the way.  We have an ornery dog that loves us lots.  We live in an awesome town with a gorgeous view.  We have a roof over our heads and cars to drive.  We have food to eat and friends and family.  We have a TON of stuff for our baby girl.  We can afford to pay all our bills.  We have iPhones and the ability to blog or check our email.  Yes there are plenty of difficult things as well, but I am so rich.  And even more than all that, I am loved by a God who does more than tolerates me.  He wants me.  He loves me.

I don’t talk about this to brag about anything because it could all (except for God’s love) be taken away so quickly.  I bring it up because I take it for granted FAR TOO OFTEN.  I don’t thank God nearly enough for all the amazing things He has given me and how He has taken care of me.  I could be homeless.  I could be single.  I could have divorced parents.  I could struggle to pay bills.  I could eat Ramen every day.  But I am not and I don’t.  I am loved more than I can comprehend.  I pray that I don’t take all that for granted.  I pray the Lord gives me the wisdom to be a good manager of all His gifts.

Even in our hardest, most difficult times, we are blessed far beyond what we truly deserve.  Take a minute to thank God for the things you do have.

Well, the day has finally arrived.  Today we are off to learn how to give birth.  (I know!  Who knew there was more to it than “get away from me”, “this is all your fault”, “ahhhhhhhhhhh”, “push” and “breathe”?)  It is gonna be a blast I’m sure.  I will probably get in trouble multiple times throughout the course of the class.  But you know what the kicker is?  They freakin’ charge $80 for this class!  Are you kidding me?  I could take a community college course for that!  I sure hope they serve snacks or something.  They better not tell me to turn my phone off.  Good luck with that.  Twitter should be wonderful.

So we are going.  If you have ever wanted to know how to give birth, just wait and ask me after today.  I will know how.