There are many preconceived notions about being a mom.  They aren’t born out of men looking down on women, but probably more so out of ignorance.  We men didn’t go on a fishing trip and sit around the campfire and decide that women should be moms and stay home with the kids because that would be easy and they aren’t capable of doing “real work” in the real world.  Trust me.  That didn’t happen.  If it did, I missed that meeting (probably because they went fishing).

But the truth is many of us just don’t know what moms do all day.  I mean what could possibly be difficult about playing with blocks and singing the alphabet song, napping 1-2 times a day, watching some soaps while the kids have outside time, making the kids unload the dishwasher, and cooking some dinner?  And then out of our ignorance we jump to the conclusion that motherhood past childbirth (which we are all completely grateful that we can’t endure…because we know we couldn’t make it through that…no really…just the thought of birthing a kid out of that general area about makes me faint just typing about it) isn’t that hard.

We definitely don’t mean to be rude, but we just don’t know.  Our experience is comprised of the first couple months of the kid’s live when he doesn’t sleep, weekends, vacations and holidays!  We see what it is like when there are 2 parents around to wrangle the kids up.  We see the easy stuff.  Sometimes we wish we had the easy stuff instead of slaving away at work all day.  But like I said, we don’t know what we are talking about.  (But seriously how hard is it to make 3 PB’n'Js, cut the crust off and then cut into triangles?!…kidding.)

The past few months have been a revelation to me.  I don’t know that I ever really thought that being a stay at home mom was really all that easy, but I never really understood how hard it can be and how exhausting it really is…and I’m still judging from being at home with added help from the wife!  We should all have to spend some time in the other person’s shoes (waiters/guests, moms/dads, parents/kids, rich/poor) so that we can understand where they are coming from.

Moms: I have a little more (only a little) understanding about what it is that you all do.  I understand more now how exhausting it is to play and teach, try to entertain when all they want is everything they can’t have, cook, clean, launder, watch soaps that are full of bad lines, weird lighting and terrible acting, and remember to feed the dog and let him out occasionally.  From the other side, we don’t always think about all these things.  We don’t always understand and see all that you do for our families.  You may not be the quote-unquote bread winner for the household, but I know for sure that without you this family doesn’t function or grow.  And honestly, I don’t know that I could do your “job” without losing my mind…or at all really.

Husbands: Next time, try to think about where your wife is coming from.  Understand that she really does have a fulltime + overtime job that she can’t just turn off when 5:00 PM rolls around.  And that’s not even taking into consideration what she does for you!  So, Valentine’s Day.  Let her really know.  Don’t halfa$$ it with a card that you grabbed on the way home from work.  Don’t get her flowers just because it’s V-Day and you are supposed to.  Don’t just tell her you love her and then expect that to be enough.  Show her.

(Yes, I understand that I have just dug a big hole for me to attempt to get out of.  I will be taking back my lame card with a semi funny joke about sex and trying to come up with something that is still out-doable…keeping next year in mind…and is still worthy of my amazing wife and baby momma!)

Recently during an evening of miscellaneous-ness we had the TV on.  We weren’t really watching as we were doing other things, but for some reason at one point my attention was drawn to it and I heard something that got me thinking.  It was at the end of a wedding reception and the bride and groom are leaving when someone yells to him, “go have fun becoming a man!”  Then off they go to whatever it is that married couples do on that night.

I would wager that sex, even sex with your wife, does not make you a man.  There is much more to manhood than sex!  For the sake of the early years of your marriage (or your marriage as a whole) becoming a man MUST happen long before the sex.  It must happen long before the ring or the cake or the tux or the bill.  As our world would teach us otherwise, these things aren’t what makes you a man.  Manhood is not determined by the number of names on your Been There Done That list.  It is not determined by the level of experience you have in the bedroom.  It’s not about learning to say the right things or being smooth or buying her a drink or even having the best pick up lines.  It’s not about the sports cars, the cigars, the muscles or the ability to make her weak in the knees.  It’s not about the conquests or the make-outs or even tying a cherry stem in a knot with your tongue.

So what does it take then?  What makes a man a real man?  As I said before, manhood is something that happens before all the above.  Manhood involves maturity, spirituality, identity and love.

• He learns to love his wife long before he knows her.  He learns to love and respect his family.
• He knows that his identity is not found in himself, friends, sexual partners, or his wife.  His identity is in Christ where he has strength and hope and love as a son of God.
• He keeps Christ the center of his relationships.  As he grows, learns, dates, loves, he keeps his life focused in the right place and not self-centered desires.
• He has the maturity to lead others.  He doesn’t have to lead thousands upon thousands but he does have to lead a family.

The perfect man does all these things.  Do we all get them right?  No.  We are human.  We are flawed.  It’s not being this perfect man, but rather striving for what is right.  A real man knows he falls short but gives it everything he has anyway.  A real man knows he can’t be perfect.  He knows he can’t be what his family needs.  But he knows that Christ is who gives him the strength and ability to rise to the occasion.  He strives to follow Christ’s example in loving his family and leading them as truly good husbands and daddies do.  As men do.

A real man learns that he is inadequate and He is more than enough long before he hands in his V card.