For most of my adult life I have been against growing up.  I wanted to stay in my 20′s for forever (obviously knowing that it wouldn’t happen).  I had so much fun and felt so good in my 20′s that I didn’t want it to end.  I liked being a big kid.  Who doesn’t?!  That’s right.  No one.  Marriage really didn’t change it that much for me either.

But then one day we had a little baby.  She screamed so loud and the nurse handed her to me.  Of course, we had just had a baby and that’s supposed to change everything in my world.  We all know and have heard that a million times.  But while it does change everything, you still have a little baby that doesn’t do much and you play with them all the time.

Then your kid starts to learn.  Starts to talk.  Starts to understand.  That’s when it all started changing for me.  I was no longer just the parent that could get my little one to sleep by swinging her in the carseat for hours on end.  I was not longer just the parent that changed diapers and cleaned up bodily fluids.  I became the parent that was that little girl’s daddy.  I was her daddy.  She knows it.  I know it.  There is a difference.  It’s just not the same anymore.  People talk to her and refer to me as her daddy.  She sees me, brings me things, crawls up in my lap as her daddy.

I didn’t wanna grow up, but if it means being a daddy, then maybe I’m ok with it.

Ah, Charades.  Whether you are playing or not, it is a blast to watch people make a complete fool of themselves while trying to convince you of something.  Sounds a lot like life.  Sometimes we talk ourselves into playing games that make us look like idiots.  We try to convince those around us that we are something else or feel something else.  We tell people that we are great but inside we are dying.  We tell people we love them but our lives don’t show it.

Going through the motions doesn’t please you, a flawless performance is nothing to you.

Psalm 51:16

Some go through the motions of their marriage.  Others their work.  Maybe it’s with your kids.  Or with yourself.  But at some point in time we all find ourselves just going through the motions with something.  The key is realizing that’s what is going on and getting out of it.

See the funny thing about charades is that everyone knows you are playing a game.  The same is true for going through the motions.  You might have a flawless performance and get me to guess whatever it is you are trying to convince me of, but in the end the timer goes off and everyone sees you for who you really are again.

In life, though, we tell ourselves that no one else knows that we are playing the game.  We believe that we are smart enough and good enough actors to trick everyone.  But that’s where we are wrong.  Your boss can tell when you are just going through the motions.  Your readers can tell when you are just blogging to blog.  Your kids can tell when you don’t really care about what is important to them.  Stop trying to fool everyone else.  Know that you are only fooling yourself.

In what ways are you just going through the motions?

Today you take one of the first major steps down a path that I dread.  You are officially one year old today and that scares me.  The past year has gone by so fast it scares me to think about the next one.  Or the next one.  Or the next 20.  You are a one year old toddler fighting to be older.  You have been from day 1!

It’s hard to imagine that it has actually been 21 months since that July morning when I find out you were coming into our lives.  It’s even harder to comprehend how all the joy and excitement we had before you arrived is topped every single day we get with you.  You have already turned into such a strong willed, gorgeous, hilarious bundle of fun.

I wish I could describe to you the feeling I get when I have been gone, walk in the door and see you find daddy!  I guess that’s just one of those things you will have to wait until you have kids of your own to understand.  But trust me.  There isn’t much I love more than that!  I love getting to spend my days with you just rolling around on the ground, crawling and chasing you, hearing you squeal in delight, tickling you just to hear that laugh again, and letting you crawl all over me.

So now you are 1.  I hope and pray for many more of these to come.  I pray that you will continue to be the bundle of joy and love that you are.  I pray, just as it was recently prophetically spoken over you, that you would grow to be a spiritual leader of your generation.  I want you to know how much I love you even though you can’t understand that yet.  It scares me so much to go down this dreaded path of growing up with you, but growing up is what you do!  I have loved every single minute of walking this with you and will always be there to walk it with you.

I love you more than I know how to show you, my little California girl.

Love,

Daddy

A few years back I was working part time and living in Huntington Beach.  I pretty much had it made (if you wanna look at it that way).  I had a sugar mama.  I lived in a gorgeous place.  The weather was amazing.  I slept in.  I surfed when I wanted.  I watched TV.  I listened to music.  I played guitar.  I went swimming.  I did pretty much what I wanted.

Then everything changed.

Several months later a little baby girl arrived in our lives.  Sugar mama and I switched places.  She stayed home and I worked.  I got up early and left our gorgeous town.  There was no more sleeping in.  Surfing was much harder to come by.  Swimming didn’t happen very often.  Now there was a screaming little girl who needed our constant attention.

Everything was different, yes, but I wouldn’t change it for the world.

It’s pretty crazy to look back at our lives and remember what it was like to come and go whenever you please.  The time of day (or night) didn’t make a difference.  Movies.  Restaurants.  Workouts.  Walks on the beach.  Anything.  But when that little kid comes into your lives, all the priorities change.  All the schedules change.  Yes, I still love sleeping in, surfing, amazing beach weather, etc., but now they all have their time and place.  And that time and place is always falling behind a little girl who is walking all over the place, loves to climb on daddy, eats a massive amount of Cheerio’s, requires a diaper change rather often, and has the most amazing laugh in the world.

Good luck beating that. I look back and see how things were and how they are different now.  I’m glad I made the switch.

If you have calloused knees and elbows from crawling…

…You might be a stay at home dad!

If you consistently have Cheerios and Puffs in your diet…

…You might be a stay at home dad!

If you change every poopy diaper…

…You might be a stay at home dad with a pregnant wife!

If you have forgotten what it was like to sit behind a desk…

…You might be a stay at home dad!

If you make the eating face for every one of your kid’s bites…

…You might be a stay at home dad!

If you pick your kids nose more than you pick your own…

…You might be a stay at home dad!

If you think a two nap day sounds like a perfect day…

…You might be a stay at home dad (or you stay up too late…or you’re in college)!

If snot, slobber, spit up and dirty diapers are normal dinner conversation…

…You might be a stay at home dad!

If you keep thinking that a daddy workout group is a great idea…

…You might be a stay at home dad!

If you have checked to see if you are pregnant or ovulating…

…You might be a stay at home dad!

Recently I was reading a post about dads and how we handle the kids when mom is gone.  This video was linked.  Despite the fact that I am blatantly jacking the whole idea, I loved the video and wanted to share it with you!  The video is a Sketchy video called I’ll Get The Ice Creams and it is about daddy being on childcare duty while mom gets the ice creams.  It is hilarious and just might give you moms out there a little glimpse into the chaos that seems to ensue when you leave us in charge of the kids!  (I promise.  We try.  You are just way better at it than us!)

I can’t count the number of times I have experienced Person A who wants Person B to learn or do something that he/she (Person A) isn’t willing to do or just don’t do.  It happens all the time.

Examples:

• A adult tries to teach a child that drinking or smoking is unhealthy but drinks or smokes at least part time.
• A father tells the kids they should go to church but won’t turn off the game to go with them.
• A employer cracks down on tardiness but is consistently late for everything.

For me this plays out in several different ways.  I am a husband, a father and a pastor.  I cannot expect my wife to become a great communicator in our marriage if I am not willing to share my thoughts and feelings with her.  I cannot expect my child to grow up following Christ if I am not living that out in front of her.  I cannot expect the people at church to focus and worship if I am not setting the example.

We live our lives leading (or not leading) others around us.  We want them to reach that next level and become a better spouse or a well rounded child or a more head over heels follower of Christ, but if we aren’t modeling that out for them, how are they supposed to know and learn that it is actually something good for them?  Without real leadership from those before them (spouse, parents, boss, pastor, etc.) it just comes out as talk and probably taken with a grain of salt.

Are you leading those around your sphere of influence to be better or are you just blabbing hollow thoughts that go in one ear and out the other?  Lord, help us learn to lead by example and not by words.

So I have this daughter.  She is gorgeous and funny and happy (most of the time).  What?  Oh.  I’ve told you about her.  Well, she is only 10 weeks old.  And as smart as she is, she doesn’t actually know what’s best for her all the time.  As her parents (and to her future horror), we have to make the decisions on what is best for her.  She would like to do that I’m sure, but she just isn’t quite there yet.  But her stubborn little James self likes to think she knows best sometimes.

When my daughter gets tired, she generally just tries to go to sleep.  But sometimes she gets too tired to know what to do.  She starts fighting the sleepiness.  Fighting the heavy eyes.  Fighting the waves crashing in her ears.  Why she does this I don’t know.  Maybe she is just too tired to be able to decide.  Maybe she is feeling a loss of control and is just trying to hang on.

I wonder how many times we do this in our own lives.  We think we are big enough, strong enough, smart enough to make the best decisions for our lives.  But are we?  Nope.  God is, though.  He is the only one who really knows what’s best for us.  When we are tired and fighting it, He knows we need sleep.  He knows that the rest is the best thing for us.

Are you unintentionally fighting against something God knows is best for you?

Let go.  Find that rest in Him.

I like learning things.  I like to have to figure things out.  When I am not conquering something I get bored.  Forunately, parenting is chalked full of all of that!  Here are 10 of the many things I’ve learned in the first 2 months of being a dad.

• Calming the baby can be quite a workout.  (Screaming + Swinging = Tired Daddy)
• There is not much better than that little smile and laugh.  (Fussing isn’t better.)
• If your baby doesn’t scream, count your blessings.  (And I hate you.  You probably shouldn’t tell me because I will come ring your doorbell during naptime.)
• There is a new center of the world.  (And she poops and pees and cries and thinks I’m funny…sometimes.)
• My wife is and continues to be my hero.  (Seriously this wears me out!)
• Saying goodnight and praying over my daughter is sweet.  (Unless I wake her up.)
• California pays maternity leave.  (Thanks Governator!)
• Paci is spelled paci and not passy.  (Only got that wrong once.)
• If you tell me that my daughter’s paci looks like a penis then we will be getting a new one.  (Just the way it is.)
• It’s all about my girls now.  (I like that.)

One would argue that we have now been parents for almost 10 months.  I would definitely disagree with that.  Jessi has been with us and we have been her mommy and daddy from the beginning.  Parenting (for me) was pretty easy in the beginning.  Well for basically the first 9 1/2 months were pretty easy.  I didn’t have to do anything but take care of KK.

Then on March 25th everything changed.  I had been a daddy for months, but now the daddying was different.  Parenting before Jessi arrived consisted of feeding the wife, picking things up off the floor, rubbing the belly, and talking to Jessi.  Man, things have changed!  Parenting has now become what so many before us knew it to be already.

Diapers, feeding, crying, not sleeping, butt paste, screaming, rashes…

No Sleep, no TV, pacing the floor, weeping, gnashing of teeth, still not sleeping, insanity…

Did I mention that there isn’t much sleeping?  Hmmm.  Well, parenting is definitely harder than the first nine months.  We need a DVR we are so far behind on some of our shows.  That may have to change.  But as much as many of those things suck, it is well worth it!  The noises, the faces, the stretching, the flopping.  It’s all worth it.

Maybe one of these days the crying will slow down a bit and the sleep will commence.