Recently during an evening of miscellaneous-ness we had the TV on.  We weren’t really watching as we were doing other things, but for some reason at one point my attention was drawn to it and I heard something that got me thinking.  It was at the end of a wedding reception and the bride and groom are leaving when someone yells to him, “go have fun becoming a man!”  Then off they go to whatever it is that married couples do on that night.

I would wager that sex, even sex with your wife, does not make you a man.  There is much more to manhood than sex!  For the sake of the early years of your marriage (or your marriage as a whole) becoming a man MUST happen long before the sex.  It must happen long before the ring or the cake or the tux or the bill.  As our world would teach us otherwise, these things aren’t what makes you a man.  Manhood is not determined by the number of names on your Been There Done That list.  It is not determined by the level of experience you have in the bedroom.  It’s not about learning to say the right things or being smooth or buying her a drink or even having the best pick up lines.  It’s not about the sports cars, the cigars, the muscles or the ability to make her weak in the knees.  It’s not about the conquests or the make-outs or even tying a cherry stem in a knot with your tongue.

So what does it take then?  What makes a man a real man?  As I said before, manhood is something that happens before all the above.  Manhood involves maturity, spirituality, identity and love.

• He learns to love his wife long before he knows her.  He learns to love and respect his family.
• He knows that his identity is not found in himself, friends, sexual partners, or his wife.  His identity is in Christ where he has strength and hope and love as a son of God.
• He keeps Christ the center of his relationships.  As he grows, learns, dates, loves, he keeps his life focused in the right place and not self-centered desires.
• He has the maturity to lead others.  He doesn’t have to lead thousands upon thousands but he does have to lead a family.

The perfect man does all these things.  Do we all get them right?  No.  We are human.  We are flawed.  It’s not being this perfect man, but rather striving for what is right.  A real man knows he falls short but gives it everything he has anyway.  A real man knows he can’t be perfect.  He knows he can’t be what his family needs.  But he knows that Christ is who gives him the strength and ability to rise to the occasion.  He strives to follow Christ’s example in loving his family and leading them as truly good husbands and daddies do.  As men do.

A real man learns that he is inadequate and He is more than enough long before he hands in his V card.

So I am really confused. I really don’t understand what is going on and it causes me to ask lots of questions. Just recently Ed Young, the senior pastor at Fellowship Church in Texas, encouraged the married couples in his congregation to have sex everyday for a week.

Woo hoo, right? He challenged them to do this knowing that with the economy in the crapper that times can get very stressful. Since money is something that is frequently argued about in marriages there is a very good chance that many marriages are hurting in part because of the state of the economy. Sex can very easily help a couple bridge some intimacy issues. You are paying attention to your spouse ad having fun together…I hope. Now this isn’t a fix all but at least it’s a start, right?

I am not a Fellowshipper or an avid Ed Young fan so I am not writing to back him up. I am writing because I don’t understand the media. The media uses sex to sell almost everything now. Even churches like to stretch a bit and use it too (maybe a little different but you get the point)! Well around the DFW area people and the media seem to be freaking out about this whole idea! I don’t get it! Heaven forbid a church talk about a married couple having sex! That’s just terrible!

I have been a part of a church that pushes the envelope for quite some time but I have also been to some churches that are very conservative too. I understand that some people are just not comfortable talking about sex. That’s fine. To each his own. But why are we sooooo freaking out because a pastor challenged his congregation to try to help their marriages grow stronger in the midst of hard times!?

I’m just not sure I understand. The news stations are covering this like it is completely ridiculous! They are talking about how some people don’t wanna had sex every day. Ok. Good for them! No one is forcing them to do anything! It’s a suggestion! I mean obviously sex isn’t always the best thing to do when you are broke. Actually making babies when you are broke isn’t necessarily the best practice (not sure Dave Ramsey would sign off on it). That’s how people end up on welfare with 46 kids and they wonder why they can’t afford to live. Ha.

So for those of you wiser than me, why is this so controversial? I would think people would jump at an excuse like this! I have never been to Fellowship but that’s what I call “off the chain”! (a little inside joke for you LifeChurch.tv people) I mean the idea sounds good to me! Marvin Gaye and many other R&B artists should be lining up to shake Ed’s hand for all the money they are gonna make off this!

What do you think? Is this as crazy as everyone seems to think it is? Am I the only one that doesn’t see the big deal?